Sometimes, We Sin Against Each Other

If you have small children, then you have experienced the most ridiculous of arguments and fights. Children have the incredible ability to argue about absolutely nothing, as if it is the most important thing in their lives. My kids are no different. The number of fights they have gotten into over the seven years that they have been siblings is staggering. The crazy thing is that they’re each other’s best friend. They love playing together. They spend much of their days just laughing and carrying on…until someone touches someone else’s Lego, or someone takes a blanket from someone, or someone is singing a song that the other doesn’t want to listen to. All of it is silliness, but it matters to a 7 or 8-year-old. Usually, I allow my kids to try and figure it out, unless it starts to get ugly. If one kid strikes another, or they begin acting really nasty towards each other, I’ll step in. As I try to litigate the issue, each child will state their case, and we attempt to find a proper outcome. When things get ugly, one of them will decide to lie about the other. This usually ends up poorly for the guilty party. Most times, they realize it was a misunderstanding, and everyone moves on. Unfortunately, it does end badly on occasion. 

If you think about it, that’s not far from how we deal with each other in the Church sometimes. We bicker. We fight. We get bent out of shape by silly things. In the real world, relationships are messy. Most of the time, we love each other, and we always want to see the best in each other. Unfortunately, though, we also have times of conflict, and that can lead to us sinning against one another. While it’s not something we want in our lives, it is something that we’ll all have to deal with at some point. Thankfully, the Bible isn’t just about dealing with perfect relationships. It also lets us know the best way to deal with this very thing. 

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.”
Matthew 18:15–17

In most situations, the first sentence of that passage is all you’ll need to do. A personal conversation about what has happened will, almost always, take care of the issue. Many times, we don’t even realize we are sinning against someone, and having that brought to light will allow for true repentance and forgiveness. In my own life, I’ve been on both sides of this. I’ve been sinned against, and I’ve sinned against another. In almost every instance, a personal one-on-one conversation ended it. Genuine repentance and forgiveness were at the core of our conversations, and grace was given. The real key here is to do that quickly. The longer something sits, the more the mind can go to darker places, and the one who sinned against us may be oblivious to the whole thing. Quick resolution is always the best course of action.

But what happens when that person has no remorse or simply doesn’t care? Then it’s time to get others involved. Having the witness of others may help that person understand the nature of why you are coming to them. I’ve rarely had to go this far in any situation, but I have been a mediator for others. When issues escalate beyond a personal conversation and others need to get involved, things have become quite serious. This is where things can get emotional, and we start to take all this personally to the point where the friendship itself is being hurt. The hope is that cooler heads will prevail and grace can be given. Having mediators there can help with that.

But what happens when there is still no remorse or repentance? The issue should be taken to the church, typically the elders and ministers of the church. The hope is that truth can be spoken into the situation by the church’s leaders, and some semblance of resolution can be found. Most times, the relationship between the two parties is almost unreconcilable in this situation, but finding a settlement of some kind still leaves room for healing. If even this meeting doesn’t solve things, it is now time to wash your hands of this person. 

Shortly after Jesus said all these things, one of his disciples, Peter, asked a very important question. 


Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.
Mt 18:21–22

This is the most important part of living in community with others. You have to be able to forgive. Peter’s question is probably one that we’d all ask. How often do I need to forgive someone? We’ve all been there. We’ve had that one person who feels almost like a drag on your life, and they are constantly having to ask for forgiveness. It’s frustrating for sure, but we have a responsibility to give grace. It’s not up for debate. Imagine if God were to look at us and say, “I think you’ve hit your forgiveness quota. You are now a lost cause, and I’m done.” That’s not how God works. If He did, there would be no hope for most of us. We have to understand that we are to do things the way God does. That includes giving grace to others.

“For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”
Matthew 6:14–15

"And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”
Mark 11:25

There seems to be a direct correlation between forgiving others and receiving forgiveness from God. And it makes sense when you take a step back and think about it. On one end, why would God ever give us something we would refuse to others? If we are to act like Christ, then showing grace and forgiveness would have to be at the center of who we are. On the other end, it becomes increasingly hard to have the fruit of the Spirit without forgiveness. This will lead us in a direction that is opposite to where God wants us to go. Instead of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control, we have anger, bitterness, frustration, rage, gossip, vengeance, and evil thoughts. The worst part of it all is that we will justify these thoughts and actions because we have been wronged by someone else. Forgiveness releases us from those chains. It allows us to do something that we desperately need in these situations…letting go. 

When we hold on tightly to our unforgiveness, we hold loosely to what God wants for us, and that is freedom. It is God’s true desire for us to be free of the things that hold us down. When we are free of the things of the flesh, we are more capable of living in community with our brothers and sisters. We have nothing to hold on to other than our love for Christ and each other. That is serious freedom. Conflict will always exist, but as Christ-followers and disciples, we can’t let ourselves be held captive by our lack of grace. God longs for His children to be free, and forgiveness is a key to unlocking those shackles.